Long the secret weapon of Bush era diplomacy, Condoleezza Rice charms and confounds her adversaries with a steady barrage of glib non-sequiturs and hilariously transparent fibberoonies. She is brilliant and disturbing to watch, a Kafkaesque Teri Hatcher who reminds us, ultimately, that we are all doomed.
Anyway this week our enigmatic overlady was down in South America pretending that the Bushes hadn’t just pushed the region to the brink of war. Her interview with Brazilian magazine Epoca revives the old debate: is Condi an idiot….or a sociopath? We investigate, after the jump!
INTERVIEW WITH CONDOLEEZA RICE IN EPOCA
March 13, 2008
QUESTION: President Chavez insists that the U.S. is his enemy. Does the U.S. consider him to be the same?
SECRETARY RICE: We’ve always had a good relationship with Venezuela, and I want to be very clear the United States has a broad policy in Latin America where we stand for social justice based on economic growth and economic development, where we stand for equality for women and for people of different racial backgrounds. Today, I’m going to be signing an agreement in which we look to alleviate all forms of discrimination. That’s the positive agenda. The United States doesn't have enemies in Latin America. So we -- no, we don’t have enemies in Latin America.
Hi. What? “Good relationships” with Venezuela? “Doesn’t have enemies” in the region? That’s sort of a cute and weirdly blatantly obviously wrong. And she’s “Signing an agreement” to “alleviate all forms of “discrimination”? WTF does that even mean? And should we be worried?
Idiot…or Sociopath? Idiot. Look it’s tempting to read a lot into the pregnant pause in the last line, but being diplomatic ourselves we’re going to chalk it up to jet lag or sleep deprivation. She wanted to stay positive, and just effed it up in her own little way. I think.
QUESTION: But is Chavez a threat for the stability and peace for the region?
SECRETARY RICE: Well, the problem is that some of the activities of Venezuela, I think, are questionable in this regard, and we watch it carefully. But we build on our strong relationship with our allies, and we don’t have an ideological test. We are absolutely able to work with countries from the left, countries from the right –
Haha. If by “work with” you mean “violently overthrow their democratically elected leaders of the really lefty ones and refuse to talk to the others,” then ok maybe.
Idiot…Or Sociopath? I’m going to have to go with “sociopath” on this one. Even an idiot would know she’s not giving an interview with somebody from the dumbass U.S. press corps, and that obviously the Brazilians know the U.S. role in Venezuela. And Haiti. And Colombia. And Argentina…
QUESTION: Despite the speeches?
SECRETARY RICE: Pardon me?
QUESTION: Despite the speech?
SECRETARY RICE: What speech?
QUESTION: He’s --
SECRETARY RICE: Oh, it’s not worth talking about.
Hahahaha. Eek. Ok you’re both right. It doesn’t have to be an either/or.