Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Does Israel get its news stories from bombproof Colombian laptops?


Well, if Israel doesn't, I know who does--the Dissociated Press, of course!

Venezuela and Bolivia are supplying Iran with uranium for its nuclear program, according to a secret Israeli government report obtained Monday by The Associated Press.

The two South American countries are known to have close ties with Iran, but this is the first allegation that they are involved in the development of Iran's nuclear program, considered a strategic threat by Israel.

"There are reports that Venezuela supplies Iran with uranium for its nuclear program," the Foreign Ministry document states, referring to previous Israeli intelligence conclusions. It added, "Bolivia also supplies uranium to Iran."

The report concludes that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is trying to undermine the United States by supporting Iran.

Venezuela and Bolivia are close allies, and both regimes have a history of opposing U.S. foreign policy and Israeli actions. Venezuela expelled the Israeli ambassador during Israel's offensive in Gaza this year, and Israel retaliated by expelling the Venezuelan envoy. Bolivia cut ties with Israel over the offensive.

There was no immediate comment from officials in Venezuela or Bolivia on the report's allegations.


Funny, but Bolivia DOES have something to say, and I hereby translate for the benefit of the Israelis--and their Dissociated Press pals:

The minister of the Presidency of Bolivia, Juan Ramón Quintana, called the supposed secret information that Bolivia and Venezuela are supplying uranium to the Iranian government, a "clownish farce".

"Only a clown would let such barbarities happen. Since it's so, it must be said that a certain Israeli agency is an agency of inepts, incompetents, and clowns," said Quintana during a press conference at the government palace.


Quintana said that the supposed denunciation "is part of the anthology of stupidity" because if anything characterizes the politics of the Bolivian government, "it is the politics of international peace."

"The principles which guide our constitution are set out most clearly--to promote a culture of understanding between peoples, and to improve integration. The Bolivian constitution clearly expresses our renunciation of war."

Uh, Houston? I believe we have a bitch slap.

But wait, it gets even funnier. According to that very same Dissociated Press piece,

Bolivia has uranium deposits. Venezuela is not currently mining its own estimated 50,000 tons of untapped uranium reserves, according to an analysis published in December by the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace. The Carnegie report said, however, that recent collaboration with Iran in strategic minerals has generated speculation that Venezuela could mine uranium for Iran.

Charmed. Does this remind anyone of anything?


Yep, kiddies, that's right...the Carnegie Endowment thinks Venezuela and Bolivia are committing NOT EVEN TAPPING their uranium deposits, much less selling any to Iran. Next up: Venezuela and Bolivia found guilty (God only knows how!) of selling some to Kim Jong Mentally Il...thereby resulting in this week's 4.7 magnitude nuclear squib.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go disarm my head. It feels like it's about to go up in a mushroom cloud from all this stupidity.